lifes uroutine around

bluring of days happen. coult this happen to years? iset out today to make so many plans concieved over the nights of insomnia. How am i ever going to achieve my lifetime goals if i can not talk interested entertainingly about art. about all art not just what pertains to me. or my interests. fetishes or obseessions. Qwe spend so much time sniffing out our own farts, proclaiming to others our little but seeming large accomplishments. I say we need more ordinary honest work. that has no elusive illusions. the reality is hyperrealistic as fiction.. we cant make up something more profane and meaningful and ordinary than the truth. the truth though i resent that i am doing nothing. I feel that people do want me around. that i could go to my professors whwen ineed to work on things. even after graduating they are helpinging me proving their passion. how could i ever be such a teacher . I am riting lesson plans but they are shit compared to what i have gone thought. ooh potatoe.