Saturday, July 26, 2008

screw you fat Lou

I live in the suburbs, I have for my whole life but tonight I have found out how caddy and easily we misuderstand each other even though we live relatively close. this sign was being proudly displayed in Lou's front yard. I thought how great a luau. Hawaiian party where you roast a pig. I like party decorations so I went on back to where the luau was being held. I thought they might understand me being interested in their party and trying to capture the actual community and neighborlyness that the suburbs offer. walked up saw a lady walking out, she seemed disturbed so I wanted to comfort her by communicating. Hi Im Jonathan I live a couple houses down the street. blah blah I am interested in taking some photos of the decoration at your party.
she seemed friendly told me to go on back and ask.
I was barraged with streaming chinese circular lanterns. plastic palm trees, cheesy but kitsch funny decorations. I waltzed their backyard the tiki torches dimly illuminating smoky atmosphere. 12 old men smoking on a hookah, cigars playing cards, and drinking beers turn around and glare at me. Distracted, me eyes zip around nervously as I rattle off my plead to take pictures, photos of the enviromnent. I didnt really stress that I was interested in documenting the community friendship that crescent springs posses. The owner name was John must have been Lou said, Well what do you want the Lou Lou special. I wasnt sure what he meant so I asked I dont know what does that mean? The big guy with a smoldering cigar turned a chair so that the back support faced me. Big Lou misunderstood my naive request, My balls dangling through the middle of this chair. Everybody laughed so I assumed we were just shooting the shit and living easy in the hollow hills. I started talking like i was interested in their hookah. Everyone like smoking a flavorful sugar tobacco. Fat Eddy boasts its kentucky fruit. I didnt know if that was a jab at fruties. so i repeated it and laughed. My mind wandered from what was going on and started to focus on what I would actually shoot. The Plastic Tiki effigys or the Easter Island Heads constructed out of duct tape would look fantastic in the lighting. It was dark but there was a glow provided by neon signs, citronella candles and the stupid torches.
My silence must have put them with discomfort. Some charecteristic about how i spoke made them look at me funny or maybe it was just 1:32 am. They asked me to leave because the daughter of Big Lou felt uneasy. I would respect her wishes if she told me why she feared me as some midnight creep some stalker neighbor. I am just curious and have no peers to chill with at my hood. It really pisses me off how judgmental people are. Im pretty sure its not appearance. I know Im not some model. But do I look like some creature zombie that would devour you at night.
Karaoke was good tonight but i got tired, and that social sickness disease happened where I shut down and space out remaining mute. I hate that feeling where you cant interact with people because reveling in the moment callous to anything happening. I couldnt even manage a simple compliment to people who I had been with all night, Then I beat myself up because I didnt offer them a ride home. is that rude? I didnt want to endanger them with my driving. my car is always a mess. but I guess thats an excuse. I was kinda getting a weird vibe from them because she started talking about stalkers I thought she was refering to me I just felt as young as a toolbag 13 yearold. I get into those situations all the time. I thought it was good to live outside your comfort zone but this just makes you feel like the scum of the earth. Maybe I am. All I wanted tonight was to talk to people, learn me how to dance, and try singing. The way i compose myself just scares people. I cant help their reaction. So maybe they are just reacting to me. I felt good and sociable up until Gretchen started to talk in french saying something about a person being stupido and petite. I didnt call her a butch and I didnt call her cute. I danced with her only because she started talking to me so I figured she was a friendly person. I had fun initially but the endings always tarnish and decay. Some of my relationships have been like that I thought a couple would last a bit longer. but there is no such thing as love. fuck girls fuck guys Im just going to be a baby. tonight atleast. then Ill grow up
dont read into that because it means nothing.

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